Kenya Power Should Add “Darkness” To Its Name 

For about two weeks, I was convinced Kenya Power & Lightning Company (KPLC) was collaborating with the prophets of doom who’ve been threatening us with end-time messages so that follow them by sponsoring countrywide blackout, but now that I see the light, it’s a simple case of incompetency.

If historians record Daniel Moi’s error — yes error, as the darkest of our history, then KPLC is determined to ensure we face lightless eras. And without an iota of apology, Kenya Power has focused that we’re consumed by darkness so that the terror of having a reincarnation of Moi with Nicholas Biwott in power scares us no more.

The way they’re playing picky picky ponky stima mielo disco with us, Lawyer Willis Otieno will have to find another song to sing in the Supreme Court in a presidential election petition by Raila Odinga versus Ndidi Nyoro in 2042.

The Cost of Darkness

KPLC should perpendicularly, triangularly, and squarely be blamed for the high rate of teen pregnancies. You know, and I know, and you know that I know that you know that bad-sweet things find solace in the darkness. It is under this theme that lovers making out insist “withdraw” is terminology for Mpesa only. And, however much the dark resigns, they’ll never miss the path to ecstasy. Later they blame Satan because he’s associated with darkness. 

Homa Bay night runners have had long nights, thanks to KPLC who have safeguarded their rights. And whereas this is a harmless practice, the enemies of development have taken advantage to break into people’s homes to reap where they didn’t sow. We now have to lock our doors twice, not to stay safe but to make it a lil bit hard for the thieves to break the ice.

Inasmuch as we’ll not achieve Vision 2030 because we’ve got a visionless government, Kenya Power has given the clueless so-called technocrats a scapegoat. The power supply is an integral part of industrialization, but the folks at the Power Company have made it impossible to visualize any future.

Men who spend hours in saloons competing with women on hairdressings, pedicure, manicures, and other forms of cures but their behavior, have had to change to frying their hair with pieces of agulu and agwata to realigning with disappointments by KPLC.

Nothing’s going on in those African-founded hotels doing French fries, deep and wet fries. If it were possible they’d fry tears popping from their eyes caused by dark smoke, this story wouldn’t have been told with such a catastrophe.

And clearly, it’s the small, and medium-scale business owners inhaling the smelly feet of the Kenya Power ingratitude, getting asphyxiated by their wanton, and unimaginable poor services. Compounded by highly inflated prices of tokens, these business owners are in between Akuru and Asumbi. The question is: should they close their business, or bend over for exploitation by merciless merchants of terror and sadism and live to die another day?

House of Excuses

There’s also a fundamental question on the relationship between rain and electricity. It appears the two don’t see eye to eye in Kenya, and because we didn’t see this explained in our secondary school Physics, KPLC owes us lectures. We read elsewhere that when Japan experiences an earthquake, her KPLC doesn’t switch off the lights. Our Father whom we beg for the rain must be so powerful than theirs for when it pours here, darkness begets our fear of lightless nights.

KPLC says the regular power interruption is due to the low water level in their dams. We all know this is an excuse because even with excess idle water in Lake Victoria, which can be directed for better functions, the only constant denominator with electricity is darkness.

We are living in rare economic times. When KPLC said they made billion shillings losses in the past year, we waited for them to blame the ongoing Russian-Ukraine war, but, this wasn’t a question of the prices of wheat and its neighbor maize flour. Instead, they’re blaming creative Kenyans who opted for ‘illegal connection’ and the few rich people who’ve installed solar panels in their homes. If you read further, remember KPLC is the Museveni of electricity in Kenya and so much do they fear the competition that they’d rather change the constitution to continue in power than allow another firm to provide the same services.

With the peak of the incompetence at KPLC hitting an all-time new low, there’s no need why the name should be retained. With all due disrespect, Kenya Power needs to rebrand, and the top of the menu should be name changed to Kenya Powering Darkness. They can add “Limited Company” to sound sophisticated for all we care.

Kenya Power has given us so much darkness that when there’s power, we treat it as fake news. If a day can break without a whiteout, then it’s either their workers are cooking new recipes on how to bring darkness or they lost the key to the main switch to put out electricity.

They should be so ashamed of themselves that anytime they issue any presser, they first should begin with an array of apologies for being what they are: powers of darkness.

And, next time President William Ruto will lead us into praying for the rains, he should ask Heaven’s Ministry of Miracles to allow the sun to appear in the night, and the moon to shine in the day. This way, Kenya Power will have no orgasm causing us darkness, at times when light is what we should be seeing whenever we hear news about more taxes, and the shenanigans surrounding the Competency-Based Curriculum that are being forced down our throats.

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